Tuesday, May 24, 2011

As Seen on T.V.

I am an absolute sucker for the as seen on TV products. I don't buy them all mind you, but I am a firm believer in the idea of making tedious chores easier (a.k.a. building a better mousetrap). If Fred let me have my way we'd be broke on products that are supposed to deliver a little bit of magic into our living rooms. I  only have a few of these products and I simply long for the others. I mean,WHO wouldn't want the pajama jeans? The Magic Bullet- I dream about it. Don't even try to tell me you aren't interested in the Robo-Stir. 

The slap and chop is one of the sweetest inventions I ever purchased. Mine broke. Although to be honest after Fred saw how much I liked it and actually used it, he splurged and bought me the more expensive and sturdier version. I also love the ped-egg. It delivers what it promises. Probably my absolute favorite is the perfect brownie pan. The inventor of this product deserves every dime he/she gets. Every brownie is the right size, the pan is an easy clean-up, and you get way more corners due to the ingenious design. Unfortunately, Fred thinks most of these ideas are a waste of time and is forever steering me away from the things like the Windshield Wonder which only increases my curiosity over whether any of them really work.It is a desperate situation.

When Fred asked me what I wanted for our 18th anniversary it didn't take me more than 2 seconds to spit out "The Pasta Boat!" He looked at me like I had my head screwed on wrong. "Elle, I said for our ANNIVERSARY...I was thinking of something a little more romantic than that." I said "yeah I know but I have really been wanting that  pasta boat and every time I go to pick it up at CVS you say its junk and guilt me into putting it back." ( grimace) So he bought me an emerald ring and on the way home stopped at CVS  for the pasta boat to make everything perfect. Gotta love Fred. 

Unfortunately I wouldn't encourage any of you to purchase the pasta boat. It stinks. You can in fact make pasta in it, in the microwave- but it takes 18 minutes!18 minutes in the microwave? Look if the microwave needs that much time to cook it- have you really done anything good for the world with this invention?  It also only cooks one pound at a time. Not exactly a good fit for my crew. What a bummer. Half the pasta in twice the amount of time. You'd be better off missing this boat (pun intended). 

So we got to talking about this at the dinner table.The boys want to come up with an as seen on TV product.  I say the next best idea is just around the corner for anyone who has the time and energy, Fred laughs and says good luck. 

After many discussions they finally  settled on a product. They even have their infomercial worked out. They call it:

"The Rapid Rosary"

Billy Mays here coming to you from the after life! Have I got a product for you!  These little beads will release souls from purgatory at three times the normal rate! Its handy dandy design  is easy to use. It comes with a friendly user manual. AND- If you're not completely satisfied return it to us at no cost. All the souls you've saved will stay saved- thats right folks Once saved Always saved! BUT WAIT there's more- if you act now, we'll send you 2 rapid rosary's and throw in a get out of purgatory free holy card! Don't wait, ACT NOW! You never know when the next Rapture will take place! The phone lines are open.

(They are working on submitting it to the Papal Nuncio for an imprimatur.) 


  1. This is very very funny.

    And I miss Billy Mays something fierce. He cracked me up, and he was so wonderful to parody. I'm glad to see a brand new one, and I'm sure he'd approve, too.

  2. Matthew legare here with the banana phone! are you sick of eating a banana and being interrupted? No problem now with the banana phone.eat and talk all at once!