Here is a short list of some things that actually came out of my mouth today, God help me :
1) "Is this yogurt or oatmeal I'm combing out of your hair?"
2) "No, this pile of laundry has still not been washed... Neither has this one... Or this one."
3) "Chickens don't belong in pillowcases."
4) "I just got an email that we have to redo some of your math problems from last week, right after we finish all the ones from this week."
5) "These jackasses STILL don't get that the gospel is about MERCY!"
(Note to self: jackass isn't a merciful word)