Inflation

From the title of my post you might think I am about to talk on the economy. Not the case. In fact nothing I am about to write has anything to do with money or the ever rising price of food and fuel. This story is about my sixth and seventh sons Thomas and Michael. Its an old story actually, way back from before I had a blog to keep my collection of family stories. This story takes place a whole 6 month ago when we drove to New York for my Aunt Fran's 90th birthday bash, which BTW was just splendid.

My incredibly large family stayed with the one person on earth I am sure doesn't mind hosting so many people for a weekend; my Mother. She happened to have twelve of her own so my ten is just fine by her squeezing in for a few nights. Actually she seems to enjoy all the noise and activity as she remembers  the days she did it herself. The one problem of course was where everyone would sleep. When we arrived, my brother Greg had set up various sleeping bags, blankets, and pillows for the kids. Fred and I were happy to crash along side them on the floor but Greg didn't want us to have to. I told him it was fine, he disagreed. Fred told him it was fine, he still disagreed. Finally he got in his car and left coming back a while later with my sister Jacquie's inflatable air mattress. 

I knew as soon as it came through the door it meant trouble. Don't ask me how I knew this, mothers sometimes just do. It's an uncanny sixth sense we're given by God. Unlike other instincts this is not a life preserving one. It is simply to preserve our dignity and keep us from too much simultaneous embarrassment. Of course just having children makes us much more prone to embarrassment then normal folks. Just ask Natalie. Who is Natalie you ask?

  Natalie is my Mary Poppins who comes to help me twice a week from losing my mind with the children.  Natalie takes my little ones to the library and other places around town. Last week she returned from her trip  bright red from embarrassment. At the end of story time my darling 4 year old daughter Mary got up and asked very loudly for all to hear while simultaneously pointing "Why is THAT lady SO FAT???" the more Natalie tried to silence her, the more she protested that this woman was "REALLY FAT" until Natalie covered her mouth and raced from the building. If I were a new Mom, I might not know this actually comes with the territory. You just cannot be prepared for all the incredibly embarrassing things you encounter in the real world no matter how many times you tell the children to behave properly and try to trouble shoot ahead of time with lessons like MANNERS.

Another case in point. My new neighbors Mark and Molly. They moved next door back in the fall. A lovely family expecting their second daughter at the time. They actually knew there was a family of ten in the house next door so the whole BUYER BEWARE thing didn't seem to work. My kids were so excited to meet the new 'navers' ( as Michael is fond of saying) that they begged me to let them go next door. I did my best to prep them, told them not to act like little urchins and made a plate of brownies to welcome them to town. Matthew, Joseph, Thomas, Michael, Mary, and Sarah marched next door and knocked  one sunny Sunday afternoon. Mark answered and took the plate of brownies and introduced his Dad and some other family who had come to help them unpack. The kids all said hello and welcome and introduced themselves. When it was time to leave Michael suddenly got the bright idea to turn to Mark and yell "GOODBYE STUPID!"  Mary and Sarah loved his shenanigans so much that they all began screaming "GOODBYE STUPID! GOODBYE STUPID!" laughing all the way home.  Needless to say they couldn't sit for a week. To this day whenever Michael hears the word stupid he immediately responds like one of Pavlov's dogs "You don't say stupid to the navers!"Gee Mark and Molly, that was just the first impression I was trying to give you of my family. Oh well. 

But back to inflation. My sister Jacquie loves her air mattress. So does her husband Chris. Jacquie is just too generous to say "NO" if she knew someone needed it, but she does really like that darn mattress. My stomach started rumbling almost immediately as it was carried through the door. "Really Greg it's okay, I like the floor!" Greg would hear nothing of it. I finally fessed up telling Greg I wouldn't want it to get damaged. He looked at me like I was crazy then said "If you and Fred are sleeping on it, what could possibly happen?" Reluctantly I agreed noting the likelihood was probably not as high as I felt it to be in my head. 

That night we slept blissfully well on the comfy air mattress. I woke up rested and it was still perfectly intact  making me realize my fears were indeed imagined. We went down for breakfast and had bacon, egg, and cheese on a roll, plentiful amounts of coffee,with family members moseying in and out and laughter filling the air.

 And then in happened. First in was Matthew. He started speaking in a rapid pace:

"MOM, the little boys ( that would be Thomas and Michael) BROKE the bed upstairs!" and immediately I gulped hard. 

Fred not catching the full impact nearly as quickly as I did said:

 "There are no beds upstairs, do you mean Mima's bed?" the question hovering hopefully in the air.

 "No" Matt continued "Aunt Jacquies' bed." came the reply.

"Please send Thomas to me" I said quietly.

When Thomas arrived I asked him to tell me what happened. 

"Well Michael and I were jumping on the bed"

"...Yah?" I said. 

"and then it got a hole in it."
"Wait a minute Thomas how did it get a hole in it? Was it from the jumping?"

" Ummmm, no. I think something sharp might have hit it?"

" Something sharp? Like what?"

" Like the thing from the door."

"What thing from the door Tom?"

"You know the thing that stops the door from hitting the wall."

" You mean the door stop? "

"Yes."

" Did it bang into the door stop while you were jumping on it?"

"No."

" Then how did it get a hole in it?"

" The door stop banged into it. "

"How did that happen??? "

"Well, ummmm, I picked it up off the wall and I stuck it in it." 

"You stuck the door stop in Aunt Jacquies air mattress?" 

"Ummm yah."

After blowing off some steam I wanted to know where the second culprit was. 

"still upstairs."

" Is he afraid to come down? "

"No."
"Then what is he doing?"
" He's still holding the hole." 

And sure enough when I went upstairs like the little boy of Holland Michael was perched on top of the mattress plugging the hole. I have the evidence below. 

There you have it folks, inflation... and deflation.